i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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