Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dick very happy bro
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
