is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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