THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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