Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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