my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
