Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
