even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
