Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
