so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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