Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
