Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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