I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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