I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
