Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
