I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
