I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
