no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
