the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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