Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
