the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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