Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
