I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
