Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize