I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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