Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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