Someone shit on the floor
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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