Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
