I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
