I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
