Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
