this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
