Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
