She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize