Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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