You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
