I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
