i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
