I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
