so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
