I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You are the jesus of drinking
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
