Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
