I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
