So drunk its hurt
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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