No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
