I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
