So drunk, too bad you don't want this
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
