dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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