does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
