I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
