Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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