I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I deserve this hangover.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
