I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
