I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
