I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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