can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
