So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
