accomplished twins. life is a go
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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