I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
