Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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