Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
