guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
